goof off/jokes topic

The name says it all.. This is where to go if you feel like goofing off... or telling jokes.

This is a TRUE story.

almost every time we go to KFC they are out of something. One time we went there, and they were actually out of chicken..

out of chicken?! that is hilarious!

actually, low on one type, out of the other... but still.


I think i heard my mom talk about when they were out of something, so they offered her something else for free.. So then she said ill have that and (something else, can't remember). So then they said they were out of BOTH OF THOSE. lol.

wow, haha. ok, I have uhm...two jokes. One of them has swearing so i'll censor it out some, and I'll repeat one other joke.
~*~

Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says "Whoo! It's hot in here!" and the other muffin looks over and says "Woah! A talking muffin!"

---

A priest and his friend go golfing one day. They get to the first hole and the friend putts first. He hits the ball and it goes into the lake.
"God (Darnit) I missed!" he said.
"Now now! God'll strike ya dead with lightnin' if ya use his name in vain!" The priest said. At the next hole, the friend putts first again. It goes off into the forest.
"God (Darnit) I missed!"
"Ah ah! God'll strinke ya dead with lightnin' if ya use his name in vain!" Next hole, again, the friend putts first. It goes off into the sand trap.
"God (Darnit) I missed!"
"Hey, hey! If ya keep that up, God'll strike ya dead with lightnin'!" At the very next hole the friend once more putts first. This time, it goes completely off course.
"God (Darnit) I missed!" Thunder BOOMED from the suddenly dark sky! Lightning crashed down to earth and STRUCK the priest dead! And a voice rolled loudly, deep and old from the clouds saying;
"God (Darnit) I missed."

---

those are the jokes.

that's funny!

Where the HECK do you get those?

and they aren't funny, they are darn hilarious!!!

lol. true, true.

I have a medium-ly good sense of humor. I sometimes make things of my own, but they're mostly inside jokes like "Bobbidy boobidy chop chop" and the accent-stuffy-nose AND the now infamous, "nothing's appropriate in my mind". All good ones, all with my bestest best best best best friend ever in the whole wide universe. (I have a bunch of just "est friends" and even more "friends" and a TON of nice ppl I know and sometimes see.)

lol you're lucky..... cc and i have lots of inside jokes...

i dunno about me there... im not sure if i could really consider a lot of people my "freinds", but i do know a lot of people that i like. And im pretty sure most of them like me.

well you're easy to like cause you're funny and really nice.... me i'm not so sure about....

yah... like a year or ago i was really well known at my school.. not so sure now. I swear, like the 1st graders knew me, and then same with the 6th graders.. lol. Ahh well.

that's cool!

yep... Gosh... im well liked almost everywhere.

lol. Those are hilarious jokes, Press!! They gave me a good laugh!

thanks, cc

No problemo!! I love jokes. They're just too amazing.

and rhymes.

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
>
>
>
>> - God replied: "I didn't recognize you."

that's good!

haha! ok, here's one;
-~*~-

A boy is sitting on a bus, rocking violently back and forth cause the bus is moving and all, licking a lolly-pop. Suddenly, the bus jolts and the boy swallows his lolly-pop and begins to choke. The kid next to him yells,
"BUS DRIVER! HE'S CHOKING!!!" So the driver puts the petal to the metal and races to the hospital. They hook the boy up to the machines and try to revive him. His mother comes and a few minutes later...

(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)
_____________________________________________________________

Flat-line. The mother is weeping her eyes out and stuff, when suddenly the boy sits up and says,
"Mommy, did you see? Did you see how long I held my breath??"

Dreamer wrote:out of chicken?! that is hilarious!

no kiddin

ok
a little boy was in his moms bedroom and her secreat lover comes over so he hides in the closet and his dad comes home early and the lover comes in the closet and the little boy "it sure is dark in here"
and the lover sais "sure is
and the little boy says "want to buy my baseball?"
"no"
OK ill go get my dad"
ok ok how much
$750
ok ok

the next day the same thing happens and the lover gets shoved in the closet "it sure is dark in here"
and the lover sais "sure is
and the little boy says "want to buy my base ball?
No ok ill go talk to my dad
ok ok how much $250
fine here you go
the next day the dad wanted to play catch and said go get your ball and glove and the little boy said
"i cant i sold it
and the dad said well how much did you get????
$1000
you stole from your friend we have to go to confession
so he goes in and says
"it sure is dark in here"
the priest said DONT START THAT AGAIN

haha! Nice one. ^_^

haha! that's hilarous!